Appreciation for the legs

The wonder of the legs. I don't know if most people notice how wonderful our legs work, and cooperate with the whole body to give enjoyable and fluid motions.
When you walk across the grass, you hardly feel the small bumps of the soil, and little uneven rocks.
When you walk up or down a few steps of a stair, you don't have to think twice.
When you walk up or down hill, and leisurely, you don't feel much change.
If there is a bump at the door, you just step over it.
And you will probably not notice the very slightly raised carpet surface as you walk from a tile room to the carpeted room.
When walking on a cemented surface, you will just assume it is flat.

Why am I saying all of this?
I just recently moved (this is the nth time) to my new dorm room. I used a 4-wheel cart to transferred my boxes, and it helped a lot with the weight. However, what I noticed is that the cart feels the effect of every little bumps on the road, henceforth, my arms do, too. On the cemented pathway, it rocks gently. On the paved pathway, it jumps at every grid. Even the slightest bump where the door frame is, and between the carpet and the tile floor halt the rolling. Not to mention that pushing it through grass is extremely bumpy. And if you are going down hill or uphill, it gets out of hand.

So see. Legs are just wonderful.

My art goals

All along, art has always been a mean of communication for me. Art for art sake? Art for beauty? These are just side concerns.

I have reached a lot of the milestone for my own art journey, but I cannot stop improving yet. I still have a lot to learn.
: To bring a spacious feeling to my drawing. How do I make my small pieces of paper feel like a vast open space?
: In the least amount of strokes and lines possible, how do I bring out what I want to portrait?
: Light and dark. How do I depict light - its direction, its intensity, its color?
: To create emotions, make a manga ... my oldest goal.

...

Is there a point to happiness?

Somehow, the longer you are in love, the less happy you are.
Or, the amount of happiness is the same, but you just expect more.

Strange, love is supposed to make you happy.

Complaining

I want to read a lot, good novels, classic works, poems, biography.
cook a lot, try new recipes, bake, branch out on Western food.
draw a lot,
indulge the nice summer outdoor a lot,
take a lot of flower pictures,
spend a lot of time with the people I enjoy spending time with,
...
There's never enough time.

Favorite lyrics (1)

"I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track."

"Not that I didn't care
It's that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel,
It's what I didn't show."

"Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world, till the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm into the blue
And when I lose myself I think of you."

"But if I fall for you, I'll never recover
If I fall for you, I'll never be the same"

"When I first saw you with your smile so tender
My heart was captured,
My soul surrendered.
I'd spent a life time,
waiting for the right time.
Now that you're near,
the time is here, at last. "

"Insides crying 'save me now'
You were there impossibly alone."
"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hopes, bur failure is all you have known."

"Where you are seems to be
as far as an eternity
Outstretched arms, open hearts,
And if it never ends then where do we start?"

"We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our the way
The waves would guide you through another day"
"And every time I see your face , the ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore."
"I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you, and keep you strong."

"Listen closely, listen closely
You will find me where it's quiet.
Listen closely listen closely."

"If your sky is grey, oh, let me now
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away,
Oh, just call me and I'll make your day."

"Sarangeun batneundago gatneunge
You got someone’s love, that doesn’t mean that you have it 

Siganeun geotneundago ganeunge 
You keep walking, that doesn’t mean time passes 

Sarameun sum swidago 

Saneunge aninde

You keep breathing, that doesn’t mean you’re alive"

"Give me your loneliness
And I'll give you my tenderness."
"In every encounter and farewell,
what people search for is
This strong bond that will unite them someday."

For me, art is ...

when I want to express my thought but cannot find the right words,
when I want to communicate the emotions that exceed my verbal capability.
closer to my subconscious than dialogues.

Calmness

Whether it is my flesh, my skin, or my thought, my emotions, my soul, I'm not showing them.

I hate revealing clothes for the very reason why I always look reserved and calm.
Only the person who deserve it can have it. My emotions, my thought, they are part of my personality. To people who will never be able to understand me, or who do not appreciate me, I see know reason to show my emotion.

Say it as much as you want, that I'm an emotion less creature. I don't even care.

The worst thing about me

is that I'm conflicted.

I am always having different chains of thoughts.
"Get out there, be daring." - "I am quite and I like to blend with the background." - "I am satisfied being a normal, average student." - "You are so ordinary, you don't do anything outstanding." - " As long as I try my hardest, I have nothing to regret." - "Look, I want the number one. I want to be at the top." - "I don't like talking to people." - "I wish I have a big group of friends I do things with." - "I will only be in a relationship that is born from love." -"I'm so lonely, I want to be with somebody, anyone.", etc.

The dispute can never be settled, and I am torn apart.

What eats me from inside

I feel like everybody out there is doing important things, while I am here, doing what an ordinary student do.
Are the people are also students, but they seem to be doing much more profound things than I am:
- To be in SGA (Student Government Association)
- To be part of Campus Council
- Setting up events like TEDx
- To be the person who comes up with the idea and go to the president
- To be out there, actively protest for outsourcing campus dining service

I feel very very small, weak, noncompetitive, too ordinary. I like to hide, to be alone, to avoid responsibility. I am lack of energy and passion, ad never stand up for things that I believe. I do not try to make a different to this world, even though I see so much wrong in it. I never try too hard on anything, and very undeserving.

I feel like every hardship I have been through is so trivia and insignificant.

I just feel extremely despair and depressed.

-----

There are so many inspirational, powerful speaker. There are so many charming, charismatic personalities. I cannot become such a person, and it saddens me.

Nature

How do I express the beauty of the moon on the blue sky. This is a painter challenge.

Sexiness

What is the point of wearing revealing clothes?

I am not asking this question because I don't know the answer. But, honestly, as a female, I can't imagine myself in revealing clothes: such as low cut neckline, short skirts, or cropped tops. I might wear them from time to time. They don't give me confidence and total comfort, however. I would always have to pay attention to what I'm doing, how I'm turning my body, so as not to reveal too much. I prefer more boyish style.

What make revealing half of your breast, your waist, or your thighs a go-to thing when you want to dress up? I'm not talking about swim suit, bikinis or shorts/ skirts in the summer.
I'm talking about necklines that show cleavage, cropped tops that expose a lot of skin, etc. in the winter, at an academic setting. Maybe I'm being too conservative. But here's just my point: the beauty does not line in exposed skin.

I don't mind sexy clothing on other people. It would look nice if the design is elegant and smart. But if it is my choice, I wouldn't choose revealing clothes to attract certain people.

I believe in the sexiness and the beauty of wearing non-revealing clothes. I am naive. But I like my style non-revealing. It can still be sexy: tight shirt, or jeans/ pants that fit your figure well. The attractiveness lines in the style, and/or the way you wear them, not in how much the clothes reveal.