is that I'm conflicted.
I am always having different chains of thoughts.
"Get out there, be daring." - "I am quite and I like to blend with the background." - "I am satisfied being a normal, average student." - "You are so ordinary, you don't do anything outstanding." - " As long as I try my hardest, I have nothing to regret." - "Look, I want the number one. I want to be at the top." - "I don't like talking to people." - "I wish I have a big group of friends I do things with." - "I will only be in a relationship that is born from love." -"I'm so lonely, I want to be with somebody, anyone.", etc.
The dispute can never be settled, and I am torn apart.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
What eats me from inside
I feel like everybody out there is doing important things, while I am here, doing what an ordinary student do.
Are the people are also students, but they seem to be doing much more profound things than I am:
- To be in SGA (Student Government Association)
- To be part of Campus Council
- Setting up events like TEDx
- To be the person who comes up with the idea and go to the president
- To be out there, actively protest for outsourcing campus dining service
I feel very very small, weak, noncompetitive, too ordinary. I like to hide, to be alone, to avoid responsibility. I am lack of energy and passion, ad never stand up for things that I believe. I do not try to make a different to this world, even though I see so much wrong in it. I never try too hard on anything, and very undeserving.
I feel like every hardship I have been through is so trivia and insignificant.
I just feel extremely despair and depressed.
-----
There are so many inspirational, powerful speaker. There are so many charming, charismatic personalities. I cannot become such a person, and it saddens me.
Are the people are also students, but they seem to be doing much more profound things than I am:
- To be in SGA (Student Government Association)
- To be part of Campus Council
- Setting up events like TEDx
- To be the person who comes up with the idea and go to the president
- To be out there, actively protest for outsourcing campus dining service
I feel very very small, weak, noncompetitive, too ordinary. I like to hide, to be alone, to avoid responsibility. I am lack of energy and passion, ad never stand up for things that I believe. I do not try to make a different to this world, even though I see so much wrong in it. I never try too hard on anything, and very undeserving.
I feel like every hardship I have been through is so trivia and insignificant.
I just feel extremely despair and depressed.
-----
There are so many inspirational, powerful speaker. There are so many charming, charismatic personalities. I cannot become such a person, and it saddens me.
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