The so-called "Artist"

20 years of existence
No, precisely, 19 years, three months and 10 days.

I have spent almost my entire life drawing. Yet, it seems like not enough.

What is it to be art? I am not sure. But I know what I have been creating so far, is just a distorted image of art. It lacks refined lines and stable structure.

My very old wish. "I have got to be able to do this." That is when a dream is formed.
I read so many manga when I was small. And I told myself, I would one day draw one.
" I have got to be able to make a manga." That was when my dream was formed. Since then, restless movement of pencils; nonstop consumption of paper; unfaltering buds of idea; and, here and there, traces of disappointment.

I have worked so hard toward one goal. Some twists and turns, the destination might have been blocked from view. So after many years of tracing my imagination, I have not got so far. Have I got lost? Certainly.

Perspectives is always a matter of luck,
anatomy is lacking,
inability to draw animals,
and a lot more.

"I would love to be able to do this." Forming a dream now is but too late,
realism/ realistic style,
doll face-up,
architecture,
photography,
fashion design,
piano, or any musical instruments.

So there is only one thing I can do? Background, speed lines, patterns and tone, ink and pen nibs, frame and speech bubbles, human - interactions. A manga.

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February 26th, 2012

One of these distorted image of art:

Singleness Depression Syndrome (made-up)

If I could just live here, being an old lady.

My heart is so tired, of chasing these frail traces

of a premature love, 

passionate feelings

dreams and illusions;

of youth.

S for Smile

You know I miss that smile - even though it is universal. - even though you smile the same to everyone.

Boy, you passed the photo test. - meaning I can look at your photo and smile.  =)

Home

11:09 PM
I am really craving for food, but this is no time to eat. I had a cup milk, and it satisfied my hungry stomach, but it did not please my taste.

At this time, I think of my 11:00 PM meal after I arrived at Noi Bai Airport and got home.
Oh, food, my favorite food.
Then, lay down in the dark, on the cool bamboo mat, in my room.
Home, that was home.

----- Location: Wooster, OH --------

Wish list

Added to my wishlist - thing number nth:

Receive flower from a guy.

• Mostly any guy is acceptable, not the creepy ones, best if it's the special someone
• Mostly any flower is fine, best if it's my favorite. Favorites consist of hydrangea, lilac, rose, lily of the valley, violet, hibiscus, grape hyacinth, forget-me-not, camellia, etc. - countless. I am not even that picky when it comes to flower.

  

On Valentine theme

I read this articles about 10 most popular romantic songs in the 1980s, one of which is Hello - Lionel Richie.

"Hello, is it me you're looking for?"


A six-year-old kid doesn't know much English except "hello". Her mother, at that time, however, was good at English. The mother had fallen in love with the song and written the lyrics down in a notebook. Little six-year-old remember when her mom used to hum the song, read the lyrics and play it (on what kind of music player, she was not sure). 


It was a young mother, before she got to work so hard for the family. 


The little girl now knows that the memory was a beautiful one. It can't come back, but it doesn't mean that the present isn't beautiful.


One important thing, though, that the girl learns is that her mother is as emotional a female as she could ever realized. 

Oh, childhood memory.

Single Valentine '12

Art Block

is an artist crisis.
What is it?

Symptoms, which only the artist can tell:
- no image popping up in one's head, namely imagination turn off.
- no thrilling emotions when looking at beautiful artwork, namely inspiration drain.
- no interest in any music what-so-ever, namely boredom of good old things.

I had an art block for like too months, since the last Christmas painting. Having an art block doesn't necessary mean no artwork is produced. It just means that no passionate feeling is born while doing the artwork and no satisfaction bloomed when the artwork is finished.
This is an unpleasantly persisting feeling, and is the worst feeling for an artist.

This time, my art block is cured by a song - "Sunday morning" cover by Jonghyun of CNBlue.
Also, thanks to Weekly Art Challenge which gave me a topic to dwell on. Eventually, I got myself back on the imagination boat.

"Sunday morning rain is falling"  =)

East - West

Do you know that I am always, always, always ...

very lonely.

But my art grows on a lonely heart, not a nourishing one. 

Even though I hide myself for art,

Deep down I call out for it, the satisfaction, the fulfilling, the resting feeling of the heart.

As dream comes true.